Section 1: Attitude & body language
The human mind is judgmental, it’s what it does. It is what kept us alive duringmake judgments in split seconds:
- Is this person a threat?
- Is this person attractive?
- Is this person useful to my (social) survival?
Pay attention to this instinct, but never act on it without knowing the person better. The tricks below will trigger you to behave in ways that are perceived well.
This section is not strictly about body language, but these attitudes will subconsciously influence your body language.
Feel secure and project confidence
This one is so important it requires its own article, and you can never do this 100% of the time. Plus, there are certainly cases where not seeming confident can gain you likability points, but on average, the above holds true.
There are two things to consider with this point:
- Try to remove things that make you uncomfortable
- For me bad skin was an issue, which I solved like this
- Another was clothing choice, which I solved by bringing along a girl when shopping
- Train yourself to help you feel secure
- I learned a lot from self-help audiobooks I downloaded
- For me staying in shape helped a lot. Read the 4 Hour Body or its summary
Everyone is a friend, unless proven otherwise
Why burn bridges before you’ve made them in the first place? It makes no sense:
- You have everything to gain
- You have nothing to lose
You will notice soon enough if this person would/wants to be a good friend.
Everyone deserves respect, unless proven otherwise
Again, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by treating people with respect. That doesn’t mean you should kiss boots all day; it means you shouldn’t dismiss anyone or make them feel unimportant.
Like everybody, until they don’t deserve it
Strangers deserve to have the benefit of the doubt. In our world anyone can be anything, without looking like it. I’ve met douchebags who looked kind and billionaires that behaved like excited children. Look at the cover of the book, but read a few pages before judging.
Neither the douchebag or billionaire are ‘better’ than each other. But being around one made me feel unhappy, and the other made me feel gusto and enthusiasm.
Always think about what you can do for others
When you meet someone, don’t think ‘what can they do for me?’ but rather ‘what can I do for them?’ Helping people is the best way to make them want to help you, and everybody wins.
Note that I’m not saying you should give unsolicited advice to make yourself seem smart. Help people if you genuinely and truly believe this person’s life would be better with the knowledge/help/contact that you can offer.
Offer help, but don’t insist. Keep it short and let them decide.