Honestly, I Am Not Trying To Have Sex With You

I know this is going to come as a shock to some of you, and to those who already know, apologies for preaching to the choir. But for those who don’t, or haven’t heard the news, I do not want to have sex with all of you. Not all the time. Not even some of the time. Over the years, I have come to realize that so many girls immediately think a guy wants sex just because he breathed in their direction.

Now, calm down ladies. Stop crying. Don’t roll your eyes. Stay calm. Yes, I know what all the Drake and Lil Wayne songs say. BTW, I generally hate their damn music so no, I definitely don’t live by it.

Allow me to explain my reasons. Keep in mind, I don’t speak for all men, but I ask that if any men read this and agree, please co-sign in the comments or, if you have your own reasons share them. Ladies need to know that sometimes, we just don’t want any.

I know I seem to be talking about this a lot on my blog lately but I only do it because I’m not rich. In any case, yes, my financial state can have an effect on my libido. Nothing kills my sex drive like red figures in my bank account statement.

Girl, I just had a huge plate of yam porridge and a side of dodo, which is the magic recipe for a nap.

Aunty Flow’s things are at the door and she’s about to leave. I understand, but I’m not going back inside until she’s left entirely. Put the pads back.“AUNTY FLOW” IS STILL AROUND

Girl, what are you doing? Seriously. Arsenal is playing.

Earlier today, you did something ugly. It was this face you made when you were trying to get the Xbox to work. I can’t really explain what it looked like, but I have been trying to get it out of my head all day and until I do, I’m sorry, I just can’t.

So there you have it ladies, five reasons why I’m telling you no while your clothes are off. But don’t worry, these things never last long. Sooner than later, I will have some money in my pocket, your Aunty flow will be gone, my food will digest, the game will come to an end, and instead of remembering that face you made while you were trying to get the remote to work, I will remember the face you made the last time I said yes, when your clothes were off.

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Disclaimer: This post is meant to be an attempt at being funny and is in no way meant to encourage fornication. I am not a saint but I am making an honest effort to never touch another woman till I put a ring on it (and by than I mean the second ring). One day I will tell you what happened to me that caused me to make that decision. For now, just enjoy accept the five reasons above and do the right thing. OYA ADD YOUR OWN REASONS IF YOU HAVE ANY!