Growing up watching Disney cartoons left an impression on a lot of us, we grew up believing in a lot of ideas propagated by Disney, the idea of true love, love at first sight, and unconditional love. We believe out there is a beauty that will love the beast in us, a prince that will look pass the house maid (as in Cinderella). We are programmed to believe that societal gaps, physical attributes etc doesn’t matter, that true love is unconditional.
But is love truly unconditional. For love to be truly unconditional, it means that I should have no reason why I love my spouse, I love this person for no reason, no conditions attached. Doesn’t this mean that I will have to be mindless to love unconditionally?
I am of the opinion that love is conditional. We all have conditions we attach to our love. To some its financial conditions, to some physical attributes, to the Christian lady, she wants that guy that is spiritually mature, that can lead prayers in the house, speak in tongues for hours. To some guy, it is career, he loves a career focused lady, while some ladies just want a guy that can make her laugh. We all have different conditions attached to our love, so a lady loving a broke dude doesn’t mean the love is unconditional, just means finances isn’t one of her conditions. This same lady can break up with the guy if he slaps her or if he stops being funny (depending on what her conditions are)
If love is conditional, it means the best way to maintain the love is to know what conditions are attached to the relationship, and maintain them. Maintain the shape if that’s what attracted him to you; keep being funny if that is what she finds attractive.
In the end, we don’t really love the person, what we are truly in love with is the ideology we have in our head. The idea of a tall dark and handsome man, the idea of an independent lady, the idea of a career woman, the idea of financial stability, the idea of a Christian home. You love Akin not because he is Akin, but because he is tall, dark and handsome. You love Chinwe because she is a homely lady, and will make a good house wife.
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Article Written By : Dapo